The Infertile Ways and Means

I knew almost nothing beyond a superficial knowledge of infertility treatments before I entered the world of adoption. Krista and I had known from very early on in our marriage that we would most likely have to adopt in order to have children, so we were about 95% there already when it came time to really think about raising children. We spent about a day wandering around in a daze after being told by a doctor that it wasn’t going to happen for us, then we moved right on into preparing for our first adopted child. But in my work as a pastor and a social worker for our adoption agency, I have encountered many couples who have really agonized over the fact that they can’t conceive. They spend tens of thousands of dollars on drugs, hormone shots, in vitro fertilization, and other methods in the effort to have a child with their exact genes.

Genesis 16
“Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had not given birth to any children, but she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar.   2 So Sarai said to Abram, "Since the Lord has prevented me from having children, have sexual relations with my servant. Perhaps I can have a family by her." Abram did what Sarai told him. 3 So after Abram had lived in Canaan for ten years, Sarai, Abram's wife, gave Hagar, her Egyptian servant, to her husband to be his wife.   4 He had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. Once Hagar realized she was pregnant, she despised Sarai.   5 Then Sarai said to Abram, "You have brought this wrong on me! I allowed my servant to have sexual relations with you, but when she realized that she was pregnant, she despised me. May the Lord judge between you and me!"  6 Abram said to Sarai, "Since your servant is under your authority, do to her whatever you think best." Then Sarai treated Hagar harshly, so she ran away from Sarai.  7 The Lord's angel found Hagar near a spring of water in the desert - the spring that is along the road to Shur.   8 He said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?" She replied, "I'm running away from my mistress, Sarai." 9 Then the Lord's angel said to her, "Return to your mistress and submit to her authority. 10 I will greatly multiply your descendants," the Lord's angel added, "so that they will be too numerous to count."   11 Then the Lord's angel said to her, "You are now pregnant and are about to give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard your painful groans.  12 He will be a wild donkey of a man. He will be hostile to everyone, and everyone will be hostile to him. He will live away from his brothers." 13 So Hagar named the Lord who spoke to her, "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "Here I have seen one who sees me!"   14 That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi. (It is located between Kadesh and Bered.) 15 So Hagar gave birth to Abram's son, whom Abram named Ishmael.   16 (Now Abram was 86 years old when Hagar gave birth to Ishmael.)”

Abram, even though he has just been told by God (again!) that he was going to have more descendants than he could ever count, took matters into his own hands when Sarai presented her maid for him. Abram seemed to have a habit of jumping the gun when it came to relying on God to take care of things, and this example is no different. He impregnates Hagar (not the cartoon ;) ), but then is indifferent to her plight when the inevitable catfight occurs between her and Sarai. God intervenes at this point to clean up the mess, and promises Hagar that, even though her descendants will not be the Chosen People, they will be great in and of themselves, although hostile to all others.  By the way, the Koran switches this scenario around to make Isaac instead of Ishmael the outcast, and it is Ishmael who is almost sacrificed by Abram later instead of Isaac.

Personally, I have nothing against infertility treatments or any other means to acquire children. There is deep pain and loss for some people when they recognize that their ability to conceive is impaired in some way. But as an adoptive parent, I can’t help but want to remind them that there are currently millions of children waiting to be adopted all around the world, children who will otherwise never know the love of family.

I am always glad when they come to realize this and start filling out paperwork.