I'm going to marry WHO?

Most older Disney movies, the good ones, have a female character that is in dire need of a suitable husband. But she is a spitfire, and rejects all the suitors that approach, wanting nothing to do with the garden variety prince. The movies have an implicit message: Arranged marriages are bad, because people should fall in love first. Only when the one she loves arrives will she be happy.

Gen 24:1-9
“Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years, and the Lord had blessed him in everything. 2 Abraham said to his servant, the senior one in his household who was in charge of everything he had, "Put your hand under my thigh   3 so that I may make you solemnly promise by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth: You must not acquire a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living. 4 You must go instead to my country and to my relatives to find a wife for my son Isaac." 5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is not willing to come back with me to this land? Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?" 6 "Be careful never to take my son back there!" Abraham told him.   7 "The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and the land of my relatives, promised me with a solemn oath, 'To your descendants I will give this land.' He will send his angel before you so that you may find a wife for my son from there. 8 But if the woman is not willing to come back with you, you will be free from this oath of mine. But you must not take my son back there!" 9 So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and gave his solemn promise he would carry out his wishes.”

In reality, I am not so sure arranged marriages aren’t the way to go. Sure, its shocking to hear that from me, a romantic at heart, but think about it – how are the non-arranged marriages doing in comparison to the arranged ones? I’ll take an estimate based on anecdotal evidence – I’ll say that more of the arranged ones last than the non-arranged ones. The fact is that choice of spouse based on romantic love is a product of our modern age -- it was not prevalent before the 1700's.

Now, I know this goes against our individual-worshiping culture, but marriages built on individualism don’t seem to be doing very well. The keys to a successful non-arranged marriage are very similar to the keys to a successful arranged marriage:

    1. Compatibility between the two – they need to match up in personality,  background, education, tastes.
    2. Both need to be fully committed to the marriage
    3. They both need to understand and fulfill their roles in the marriage

The only difference between successful arranged and non-arranged marriages based on these and other factors is who does the choosing. If you are wise, and don’t base all your decisions on your emotions and sexual desire, you can choose the right spouse for you when you choose based on these factors. The exact same situation applies when someone’s parents do the choosing instead, except that it is in fact more likely they will make the choice based on the above factors because they will not be biased by emotions and sexual desire.

I’ll now open the floor for discussion – any takers?