Bitterness

I was a terrible liar when I was a teenager. I lied to get what I wanted. I lied to impress others. I lied to girls I wanted to date, and I lied about them after we dated.

I was also full of bitterness. I was bitter that other kids seemingly had it so easy. I was bitter that I wasn't one of the cool kids. I was bitter about the apparently bad hand I was dealt in life. I was bitter that I didn't get what I wanted.

Genesis 27:30-41
"After Isaac finished blessing him and Jacob had scarcely left his father's presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, "My father, sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing." 32 His father Isaac asked him, "Who are you?" "I am your son," he answered, "your firstborn, Esau." 33 Isaac trembled violently and said, "Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him — and indeed he will be blessed!" 34 When Esau heard his father's words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me — me too, my father!" 35 But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing." 36 Esau said, "Isn't he rightly named Jacob? He has deceived me these two times: He took my birthright, and now he's taken my blessing!" Then he asked, "Haven't you reserved any blessing for me?" 37 Isaac answered Esau, "I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?" 38 Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!" Then Esau wept aloud. 39 His father Isaac answered him, "Your dwelling will be away from the earth's richness, away from the dew of heaven above.  40 You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck." 41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." 

The name Jacob means, "He who grasps the heel." It is a turn of phrase for being a liar or a deceiver. Jacob was what his name meant, just like Esau, which means red, was known for his red hair. 

Jacob had long been plotting this move. I imagine him spending long hours watching his brother playing or working with his father, his eyes squinting as the darkness in his heart spewed forth more and more rage and bitterness. His mother helped feed this bitterness, as it appears that Rebekah didn't have a very harmonious relationship with her Isaac either. 

But as I discovered, deceit, bitterness, and rage will destroy you. They act like gangrene and rot and mold and maggots on your soul. You will drown. You will die. And you will hurt so many people. It is the way of death, as Jacob will find out soon enough.

The Number One Son

There is within our culture a kneejerk reaction to favoritism. As Americans, we instinctively respond to unfairness with repulsion and contempt. We want people to have an equal chance in all things -- this is what the American Way is all about, right? Everyone should have the possibility of being anything they desire, to attain whatever goal he or she sets their eyes on, right? For example, we are told that, if certain conditions are met (like citizenship and being at least 35 years old), anyone could become President of the United States. This sounds great, and we Americans like the idea that anyone, anyone at all, could rise to the highest office in the land if they would only work hard enough. Sounds great. But the reality is, that for most people, there is actually zero chance of them becoming President of the United States. Take a look at who has already been there: where did they all go to college? What kind of career did they choose before going into politics? What income level did they have prior to taking office? I can tell you that the vast majority of all the Presidents went to Ivy League schools, were lawyers or CEOs prior to politics, and made a boatload of money prior to taking office. What does this mean for you and me? It means that Joe the Plumber will never be President, regardless of our high and lofty ideals regarding who can try for it. Favoritism is still part of our culture, even though we rail against it out loud.


Genesis 27:1-30
"When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, "My son." "Here I am," he answered. 2 Isaac said, "I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your weapons — your quiver and bow — and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die." 5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, "Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, 7 'Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.' 8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies." 11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, "But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin. 12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing." 13 His mother said to him, "My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me." 14 So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. 15 Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob. 16 She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. 17 Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made. 18 He went to his father and said, "My father." "Yes, my son," he answered. "Who is it?" 19 Jacob said to his father, "I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game so that you may give me your blessing." 20 Isaac asked his son, "How did you find it so quickly, my son?" "The Lord your God gave me success," he replied. 21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, "Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not." 22 Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, "The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau." 23 He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he blessed him. 24 "Are you really my son Esau?" he asked. "I am," he replied. 25 Then he said, "My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing." Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, "Come here, my son, and kiss me." 27 So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed. 28 May God give you of heaven's dew and of earth's richness — an abundance of grain and new wine. 29 May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed." 30 After Isaac finished blessing him and Jacob had scarcely left his father's presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting."

Isaac had never been quiet about his preference for Esau. Even though Esau and Jacob were fraternal twins, born on the same day, Isaac preferred Esau because he was technically the first born. Esau was also like his father in character and personality, and his likes and dislikes. Jacob was the favorite of his mother, having things in common with her. But its easy to read between the lines and see that Jacob was very bitter and resented his brother and his father for being left out. And so Jacob carried out his deceitful revenge.

We're pretty sneaky

I have often pondered how two people can come from the same genetic stock, grow up in the same background, and have the same parental experiences, and yet be so completely different. Even in the case of twins, where you for the most part would look identical, for the most part be treated identically, you still end up with different people.


Genesis 25:21-34
"Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the Lord. 23 The Lord said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger." 24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.   26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. 27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. 29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!" (That is why he was also called Edom.) 31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright." 32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" 33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright." 

In this story, I always identify with Jacob. Growing up, I was never much of an outdoors kind of kid. I lived always in my head. I loved playing inside, and didn't really care to get dirty all that much. I was also sneaky like Jacob, and full of jealousy and deceitful like Jacob as well. It amazes me that God chose Jacob over Esau. 

By all accounts, Esau should have been the hero of this story: first born, the "man's man," and all that. But Esau despised his birthright, meaning he didn't a darn about his status in the family. He probably thought Jacob wasn't serious when he made this deal. But Jacob was crafty. Watch out for us indoorsmen........ ;)

Why some children are less awesome than their parents.

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill (2R) 
sitting with his son Randolph Churchill (L),
 brother Maj. John Churchill (R) and nephew John Churchill.

As most of you know, I have four young children. I find myself wondering sometimes who they will be when they grow up. I consider their personality, character, and tendencies, and try to imagine them as adults. What will they do for work? Whom will they marry? Will they go to college or go into a trade? Will they be believers? Will they have children, either biological or adopted? What kind of men and women will they become?

Genesis 25:19-28
"This is the account of Abraham's son Isaac. Abraham became the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married    Rebekah daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram and sister of Laban the Aramean. 21 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the Lord. 23 The Lord said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger." 24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.   26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. 27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob."

For all the promises and fanfare surrounding the birth of a son for Abraham and Sarah, it seems to me that Isaac didn't amount to much. There really isn't much about him at all in the Scriptures -- only about two pages deals with him specifically. He's born, he marries Rebekah, he has kids, then he gets swindled by one of them, then he dies. Not much there. My impression of him is not very complimentary.

Children of great people in history often struggle in their parent's shadow. I have read many accounts of the children of important people like Winston Churchill or Ronald Reagan, who really have difficulty in making a success out of their own lives. I wonder how much of that is their own coasting on their parent's ability through childhood, or the parent stifling the child with their larger-than-life persona?

I suppose there comes a time, when every parent must step back and coax, motivate, and force their children to stand on their own, to make their own way, and to build for themselves a life independent of any accomplishments of their parents. I already suspect this will be a challenge, at least for me. Out of love, I want to give my children every advantage, while at the same time I know that they must struggle in order to succeed in life. I imagine Abraham wrestled with the same balance.

God, please find me a parking space at the mall. One that is really close.

People approach God’s direction in their lives in different ways. For some, God is not very involved. From this perspective, He’s there if you need help in a major crisis, but for the most part stays out of our day-to-day activities. For others, God is so involved that it seems pantheistic ( “any religious belief or philosophical doctrine that identifies God with the universe” – Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006). From that perspective, God directs everything – from the clothes you pick out to wear in the morning, to the parking space you choose at the mall, to who you sit by in the park.

Genesis 24:10
“Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed with all kinds of gifts from his master at his disposal. He journeyed to the region of Aram Naharaim and the city of Nahor. 11 He made the camels kneel down by the well outside the city. It was evening, the time when the women would go out to draw water. 12 He prayed, "O Lord, God of my master Abraham, guide me today. Be faithful to my master Abraham. 13 Here I am, standing by the spring, and the daughters of the people who live in the town are coming out to draw water. 14 I will say to a young woman, 'Please lower your jar so I may drink.' May the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac reply, 'Drink, and I'll give your camels water too.' In this way I will know that you have been faithful to my master." 15 Before he had finished praying, there came Rebekah with her water jug on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah (Milcah was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor).   16 Now the young woman was very beautiful. She was a virgin; no man had ever had sexual relations with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came back up. 17 Abraham's servant ran to meet her and said, "Please give me a sip of water from your jug." 18 "Drink, my lord," she replied, and quickly lowering her jug to her hands, she gave him a drink. 19 When she had done so, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have drunk as much as they want." 20 She quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw more water until she had drawn enough for all his camels. 21 Silently the man watched her with interest to determine if the Lord had made his journey successful or not. 22 After the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels and gave them to her.   23 "Whose daughter are you?" he asked. "Tell me, is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?" 24 She said to him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom Milcah bore to Nahor.   25 We have plenty of straw and feed," she added, "and room for you to spend the night." 26 The man bowed his head and worshiped the Lord, 27 saying "Praised be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his faithful love for my master! The Lord has led me to the house of my master's relatives!"   

I suspect that, like most things, the answer is somewhere in the middle. God has given us free will (“the belief that the conduct of human beings expresses personal choice and is not simply determined by physical or divine forces.” Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006). We have the ability to choose our path each day. On the other hand, God is involved in our lives, and is very interested in us. We know that because of Jesus Christ – God was so interested in the plight of humanity that He became a human and died for the human race.

God wants us to make the right choices, but He leaves the decision making up to us. He will give you circumstances and wise counsel from other believers and the Scriptures to guide you indirectly, but ultimately, the choice is yours. He has gone ahead of you down the path He wishes you to follow – His fingerprints are all over it. You have only to take out your spiritual magnifying glass to follow the clues.

I'm going to marry WHO?

Most older Disney movies, the good ones, have a female character that is in dire need of a suitable husband. But she is a spitfire, and rejects all the suitors that approach, wanting nothing to do with the garden variety prince. The movies have an implicit message: Arranged marriages are bad, because people should fall in love first. Only when the one she loves arrives will she be happy.

Gen 24:1-9
“Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years, and the Lord had blessed him in everything. 2 Abraham said to his servant, the senior one in his household who was in charge of everything he had, "Put your hand under my thigh   3 so that I may make you solemnly promise by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth: You must not acquire a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living. 4 You must go instead to my country and to my relatives to find a wife for my son Isaac." 5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is not willing to come back with me to this land? Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?" 6 "Be careful never to take my son back there!" Abraham told him.   7 "The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and the land of my relatives, promised me with a solemn oath, 'To your descendants I will give this land.' He will send his angel before you so that you may find a wife for my son from there. 8 But if the woman is not willing to come back with you, you will be free from this oath of mine. But you must not take my son back there!" 9 So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and gave his solemn promise he would carry out his wishes.”

In reality, I am not so sure arranged marriages aren’t the way to go. Sure, its shocking to hear that from me, a romantic at heart, but think about it – how are the non-arranged marriages doing in comparison to the arranged ones? I’ll take an estimate based on anecdotal evidence – I’ll say that more of the arranged ones last than the non-arranged ones. The fact is that choice of spouse based on romantic love is a product of our modern age -- it was not prevalent before the 1700's.

Now, I know this goes against our individual-worshiping culture, but marriages built on individualism don’t seem to be doing very well. The keys to a successful non-arranged marriage are very similar to the keys to a successful arranged marriage:

    1. Compatibility between the two – they need to match up in personality,  background, education, tastes.
    2. Both need to be fully committed to the marriage
    3. They both need to understand and fulfill their roles in the marriage

The only difference between successful arranged and non-arranged marriages based on these and other factors is who does the choosing. If you are wise, and don’t base all your decisions on your emotions and sexual desire, you can choose the right spouse for you when you choose based on these factors. The exact same situation applies when someone’s parents do the choosing instead, except that it is in fact more likely they will make the choice based on the above factors because they will not be biased by emotions and sexual desire.

I’ll now open the floor for discussion – any takers?

Put your pith helmet on.

Understanding our culture is becoming increasingly difficult. The reason is that American culture itself is becoming more and more complex. Fifty years ago, there were only a few subcultures that made of the fabric of Americana. Now there are hundreds, if not thousands of subcultures, each with its own customs and perspectives. These subcultures can overlap or be very separate from each other. So when it comes to planting churches or some other kind of outreach in a community, it is never safe to assume that the subculture to which you are going is the same as yours – more than likely, it isn’t. It has become necessary to think like an international missionary in our own neighborhoods.

Genesis 23:1-20
"Sarah lived 127 years.   2 Then she died in Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.  3 Then Abraham got up from mourning his dead wife and said to the sons of Heth,   4 "I am a temporary settler among you. Grant me ownership of a burial site among you so that I may bury my dead." 5 The sons of Heth answered Abraham,   6 "Listen, sir, you are a mighty prince among us! You may bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb to prevent you from burying your dead." 7 Abraham got up and bowed down to the local people, the sons of Heth. 8 Then he said to them, "If you agree that I may bury my dead, then hear me out. Ask Ephron the son of Zohar 9 if he will sell me the cave of Machpelah that belongs to him; it is at the end of his field. Let him sell it to me publicly for the full price, so that I may own it as a burial site." 10 (Now Ephron was sitting among the sons of Heth.) Ephron the Hethite replied to Abraham in the hearing of the sons of Heth - before all who entered the gate of his city -  11 "No, my lord! Hear me out. I sell you both the field and the cave that is in it. In the presence of my people I sell it to you. Bury your dead." 12 Abraham bowed before the local people 13 and said to Ephron in their hearing, "Hear me, if you will. I pay to you the price of the field. Take it from me so that I may bury my dead there." 14 Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, 15 "Hear me, my lord. The land is worth 400 pieces of silver, but what is that between me and you? So bury your dead." 16 So Abraham agreed to Ephron's price and weighed out for him the price that Ephron had quoted in the hearing of the sons of Heth - 400 pieces of silver, according to the standard measurement at the time.  17 So Abraham secured Ephron's field in Machpelah, next to Mamre, including the field, the cave that was in it, and all the trees that were in the field and all around its border, 18 as his property in the presence of the sons of Heth before all who entered the gate of Ephron's city.  19 After this Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in the field of Machpelah next to Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 So Abraham secured the field and the cave that was in it as a burial site from the sons of Heth."

On the surface, this exchange between Abraham and Ephron over a plot of ground in which to bury Sarah is confusing. Why all the verbal dancing around? Why did Abraham ask the people to speak to someone who was already present on his behalf?  If Ephron wanted Abraham to have the land, why did Abraham insist on nailing down the full price and paying for it? The answer is culture. Middle Eastern cultures have elaborate rituals and exchanges for business transactions, including offers of hospitality, haggling over a price, and tremendous public displays of respect. A Westerner who ignores such cultural elements runs the risk of insulting his Middle-Eastern counterpart.

American subcultures have their rituals and exchanges as well, and it would be wise to have knowledge of them when reaching out into groups other than your own. When it comes to evangelism, this is even more important. Sharing the Gospel with anyone these days requires us to speak the language of the natives to which we are going.