Bitterness

I was a terrible liar when I was a teenager. I lied to get what I wanted. I lied to impress others. I lied to girls I wanted to date, and I lied about them after we dated.

I was also full of bitterness. I was bitter that other kids seemingly had it so easy. I was bitter that I wasn't one of the cool kids. I was bitter about the apparently bad hand I was dealt in life. I was bitter that I didn't get what I wanted.

Genesis 27:30-41
"After Isaac finished blessing him and Jacob had scarcely left his father's presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, "My father, sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing." 32 His father Isaac asked him, "Who are you?" "I am your son," he answered, "your firstborn, Esau." 33 Isaac trembled violently and said, "Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him — and indeed he will be blessed!" 34 When Esau heard his father's words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me — me too, my father!" 35 But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing." 36 Esau said, "Isn't he rightly named Jacob? He has deceived me these two times: He took my birthright, and now he's taken my blessing!" Then he asked, "Haven't you reserved any blessing for me?" 37 Isaac answered Esau, "I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?" 38 Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!" Then Esau wept aloud. 39 His father Isaac answered him, "Your dwelling will be away from the earth's richness, away from the dew of heaven above.  40 You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck." 41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." 

The name Jacob means, "He who grasps the heel." It is a turn of phrase for being a liar or a deceiver. Jacob was what his name meant, just like Esau, which means red, was known for his red hair. 

Jacob had long been plotting this move. I imagine him spending long hours watching his brother playing or working with his father, his eyes squinting as the darkness in his heart spewed forth more and more rage and bitterness. His mother helped feed this bitterness, as it appears that Rebekah didn't have a very harmonious relationship with her Isaac either. 

But as I discovered, deceit, bitterness, and rage will destroy you. They act like gangrene and rot and mold and maggots on your soul. You will drown. You will die. And you will hurt so many people. It is the way of death, as Jacob will find out soon enough.