Why some children are less awesome than their parents.

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill (2R) 
sitting with his son Randolph Churchill (L),
 brother Maj. John Churchill (R) and nephew John Churchill.

As most of you know, I have four young children. I find myself wondering sometimes who they will be when they grow up. I consider their personality, character, and tendencies, and try to imagine them as adults. What will they do for work? Whom will they marry? Will they go to college or go into a trade? Will they be believers? Will they have children, either biological or adopted? What kind of men and women will they become?

Genesis 25:19-28
"This is the account of Abraham's son Isaac. Abraham became the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married    Rebekah daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram and sister of Laban the Aramean. 21 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the Lord. 23 The Lord said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger." 24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.   26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. 27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob."

For all the promises and fanfare surrounding the birth of a son for Abraham and Sarah, it seems to me that Isaac didn't amount to much. There really isn't much about him at all in the Scriptures -- only about two pages deals with him specifically. He's born, he marries Rebekah, he has kids, then he gets swindled by one of them, then he dies. Not much there. My impression of him is not very complimentary.

Children of great people in history often struggle in their parent's shadow. I have read many accounts of the children of important people like Winston Churchill or Ronald Reagan, who really have difficulty in making a success out of their own lives. I wonder how much of that is their own coasting on their parent's ability through childhood, or the parent stifling the child with their larger-than-life persona?

I suppose there comes a time, when every parent must step back and coax, motivate, and force their children to stand on their own, to make their own way, and to build for themselves a life independent of any accomplishments of their parents. I already suspect this will be a challenge, at least for me. Out of love, I want to give my children every advantage, while at the same time I know that they must struggle in order to succeed in life. I imagine Abraham wrestled with the same balance.

God, please find me a parking space at the mall. One that is really close.

People approach God’s direction in their lives in different ways. For some, God is not very involved. From this perspective, He’s there if you need help in a major crisis, but for the most part stays out of our day-to-day activities. For others, God is so involved that it seems pantheistic ( “any religious belief or philosophical doctrine that identifies God with the universe” – Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006). From that perspective, God directs everything – from the clothes you pick out to wear in the morning, to the parking space you choose at the mall, to who you sit by in the park.

Genesis 24:10
“Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed with all kinds of gifts from his master at his disposal. He journeyed to the region of Aram Naharaim and the city of Nahor. 11 He made the camels kneel down by the well outside the city. It was evening, the time when the women would go out to draw water. 12 He prayed, "O Lord, God of my master Abraham, guide me today. Be faithful to my master Abraham. 13 Here I am, standing by the spring, and the daughters of the people who live in the town are coming out to draw water. 14 I will say to a young woman, 'Please lower your jar so I may drink.' May the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac reply, 'Drink, and I'll give your camels water too.' In this way I will know that you have been faithful to my master." 15 Before he had finished praying, there came Rebekah with her water jug on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah (Milcah was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor).   16 Now the young woman was very beautiful. She was a virgin; no man had ever had sexual relations with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came back up. 17 Abraham's servant ran to meet her and said, "Please give me a sip of water from your jug." 18 "Drink, my lord," she replied, and quickly lowering her jug to her hands, she gave him a drink. 19 When she had done so, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have drunk as much as they want." 20 She quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw more water until she had drawn enough for all his camels. 21 Silently the man watched her with interest to determine if the Lord had made his journey successful or not. 22 After the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels and gave them to her.   23 "Whose daughter are you?" he asked. "Tell me, is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?" 24 She said to him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom Milcah bore to Nahor.   25 We have plenty of straw and feed," she added, "and room for you to spend the night." 26 The man bowed his head and worshiped the Lord, 27 saying "Praised be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his faithful love for my master! The Lord has led me to the house of my master's relatives!"   

I suspect that, like most things, the answer is somewhere in the middle. God has given us free will (“the belief that the conduct of human beings expresses personal choice and is not simply determined by physical or divine forces.” Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006). We have the ability to choose our path each day. On the other hand, God is involved in our lives, and is very interested in us. We know that because of Jesus Christ – God was so interested in the plight of humanity that He became a human and died for the human race.

God wants us to make the right choices, but He leaves the decision making up to us. He will give you circumstances and wise counsel from other believers and the Scriptures to guide you indirectly, but ultimately, the choice is yours. He has gone ahead of you down the path He wishes you to follow – His fingerprints are all over it. You have only to take out your spiritual magnifying glass to follow the clues.

I'm going to marry WHO?

Most older Disney movies, the good ones, have a female character that is in dire need of a suitable husband. But she is a spitfire, and rejects all the suitors that approach, wanting nothing to do with the garden variety prince. The movies have an implicit message: Arranged marriages are bad, because people should fall in love first. Only when the one she loves arrives will she be happy.

Gen 24:1-9
“Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years, and the Lord had blessed him in everything. 2 Abraham said to his servant, the senior one in his household who was in charge of everything he had, "Put your hand under my thigh   3 so that I may make you solemnly promise by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth: You must not acquire a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living. 4 You must go instead to my country and to my relatives to find a wife for my son Isaac." 5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is not willing to come back with me to this land? Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?" 6 "Be careful never to take my son back there!" Abraham told him.   7 "The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and the land of my relatives, promised me with a solemn oath, 'To your descendants I will give this land.' He will send his angel before you so that you may find a wife for my son from there. 8 But if the woman is not willing to come back with you, you will be free from this oath of mine. But you must not take my son back there!" 9 So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and gave his solemn promise he would carry out his wishes.”

In reality, I am not so sure arranged marriages aren’t the way to go. Sure, its shocking to hear that from me, a romantic at heart, but think about it – how are the non-arranged marriages doing in comparison to the arranged ones? I’ll take an estimate based on anecdotal evidence – I’ll say that more of the arranged ones last than the non-arranged ones. The fact is that choice of spouse based on romantic love is a product of our modern age -- it was not prevalent before the 1700's.

Now, I know this goes against our individual-worshiping culture, but marriages built on individualism don’t seem to be doing very well. The keys to a successful non-arranged marriage are very similar to the keys to a successful arranged marriage:

    1. Compatibility between the two – they need to match up in personality,  background, education, tastes.
    2. Both need to be fully committed to the marriage
    3. They both need to understand and fulfill their roles in the marriage

The only difference between successful arranged and non-arranged marriages based on these and other factors is who does the choosing. If you are wise, and don’t base all your decisions on your emotions and sexual desire, you can choose the right spouse for you when you choose based on these factors. The exact same situation applies when someone’s parents do the choosing instead, except that it is in fact more likely they will make the choice based on the above factors because they will not be biased by emotions and sexual desire.

I’ll now open the floor for discussion – any takers?

Put your pith helmet on.

Understanding our culture is becoming increasingly difficult. The reason is that American culture itself is becoming more and more complex. Fifty years ago, there were only a few subcultures that made of the fabric of Americana. Now there are hundreds, if not thousands of subcultures, each with its own customs and perspectives. These subcultures can overlap or be very separate from each other. So when it comes to planting churches or some other kind of outreach in a community, it is never safe to assume that the subculture to which you are going is the same as yours – more than likely, it isn’t. It has become necessary to think like an international missionary in our own neighborhoods.

Genesis 23:1-20
"Sarah lived 127 years.   2 Then she died in Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.  3 Then Abraham got up from mourning his dead wife and said to the sons of Heth,   4 "I am a temporary settler among you. Grant me ownership of a burial site among you so that I may bury my dead." 5 The sons of Heth answered Abraham,   6 "Listen, sir, you are a mighty prince among us! You may bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb to prevent you from burying your dead." 7 Abraham got up and bowed down to the local people, the sons of Heth. 8 Then he said to them, "If you agree that I may bury my dead, then hear me out. Ask Ephron the son of Zohar 9 if he will sell me the cave of Machpelah that belongs to him; it is at the end of his field. Let him sell it to me publicly for the full price, so that I may own it as a burial site." 10 (Now Ephron was sitting among the sons of Heth.) Ephron the Hethite replied to Abraham in the hearing of the sons of Heth - before all who entered the gate of his city -  11 "No, my lord! Hear me out. I sell you both the field and the cave that is in it. In the presence of my people I sell it to you. Bury your dead." 12 Abraham bowed before the local people 13 and said to Ephron in their hearing, "Hear me, if you will. I pay to you the price of the field. Take it from me so that I may bury my dead there." 14 Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, 15 "Hear me, my lord. The land is worth 400 pieces of silver, but what is that between me and you? So bury your dead." 16 So Abraham agreed to Ephron's price and weighed out for him the price that Ephron had quoted in the hearing of the sons of Heth - 400 pieces of silver, according to the standard measurement at the time.  17 So Abraham secured Ephron's field in Machpelah, next to Mamre, including the field, the cave that was in it, and all the trees that were in the field and all around its border, 18 as his property in the presence of the sons of Heth before all who entered the gate of Ephron's city.  19 After this Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in the field of Machpelah next to Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 So Abraham secured the field and the cave that was in it as a burial site from the sons of Heth."

On the surface, this exchange between Abraham and Ephron over a plot of ground in which to bury Sarah is confusing. Why all the verbal dancing around? Why did Abraham ask the people to speak to someone who was already present on his behalf?  If Ephron wanted Abraham to have the land, why did Abraham insist on nailing down the full price and paying for it? The answer is culture. Middle Eastern cultures have elaborate rituals and exchanges for business transactions, including offers of hospitality, haggling over a price, and tremendous public displays of respect. A Westerner who ignores such cultural elements runs the risk of insulting his Middle-Eastern counterpart.

American subcultures have their rituals and exchanges as well, and it would be wise to have knowledge of them when reaching out into groups other than your own. When it comes to evangelism, this is even more important. Sharing the Gospel with anyone these days requires us to speak the language of the natives to which we are going.

God is not a carnivore.

It’s a classic scenario, one that is put to students in every philosophy and ethics class everywhere. It begins with, “Would you be willing to die for a cause/ideology/religion  you believed in?” Almost everyone says yes. There is a glory to martyrdom that appeals to the ego, and it attracts like mosquitos to a bug-zapper. It is a glory that, to a lesser degree, appeals to those in the military. They would not die as martyrs, but as soldiers on the battlefield, or at least consider the possibility. To go out in a blaze of glory has always drawn people to step forward into harm’s way.

The twist comes when the class is asked the next part of the scenario. “Would you be willing to sacrifice someone you love for same cause/ideology/religion?” To this almost everyone answers no. The reason is expressed in different ways, but boiled down  is the same all over: by definition, to love someone is to protect them from all harm, even if it means allowing harm to come to you instead. So, by human standards, sacrificing someone else in your place is incompatible with loving them, because you are placing their survival below yours in priority.

Genesis 22:1-12
“Some time after these things God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am!" Abraham replied. 2 God said, "Take your son - your only son, whom you love, Isaac - and go to the land of Moriah! Offer him up there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will indicate to you." 3 Early in the morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took two of his young servants with him, along with his son Isaac. When he had cut the wood for the burnt offering, he started out for the place God had spoken to him about. 4 On the third day Abraham caught sight of the place in the distance. 5 So he said to his servants, "You two stay here with the donkey while the boy and I go up there. We will worship and then return to you."  6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and put it on his son Isaac. Then he took the fire and the knife in his hand, and the two of them walked on together. 7 Isaac said to his father Abraham, "My father?" "What is it, my son?" he replied. "Here is the fire and the wood," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" 8 "God will provide for himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son," Abraham replied. The two of them continued on together. 9 When they came to the place God had told him about, Abraham built the altar there and arranged the wood on it. Next he tied up his son Isaac and placed him on the altar on top of the wood. 10 Then Abraham reached out his hand, took the knife, and prepared to slaughter his son. 11 But the Lord's angel called to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am!" he answered. 12 "Do not harm the boy!" the angel said. "Do not do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God because you did not withhold your son, your only son, from me."

So the question is, did Abraham truly love his son? We know that he did, after all, God states it plainly. But if Abraham loved his son Isaac, why would he be willing to sacrifice him simply because God had commanded it? Perhaps Abraham figured God wouldn’t really make him carry out the sacrifice. Abraham’s explanation to Isaac about God providing the lamb for the burnt offering would indicate this. But if this is so, then how is it a true test of Abraham’s loyalty to God? The only explanation is that Abraham must have believed that God really wanted him to kill Isaac. And for him to go through with it must mean that Abraham loved God more than his own son.

Thankfully, God is not a fan of human sacrifice, a favorite of pagan religions all over the world. He is, however, sympathetic to sacrificum deus, that is, divine sacrifice. For what the story of Abraham’s aborted sacrifice of Isaac foreshadows is exactly that. And because the Father and the Son are of the same essence, God is both demonstrating His willingness to die for the human cause/ideology/religion, and also protecting those He loves.

Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

Your secrets are no secret.

We live in an age of few secrets. The CIA and the FBI maintain records on millions of US citizens. Meth addicts comb through your garbage, looking for any useful information in defrauding you. Our cellular phone calls can be monitored at anytime. Video cameras stare at us at traffic lights, ATMs, and street corners. A few clever taps of the keyboard and some 22 year old hacker in Finland is strolling through your Internet history. You are public knowledge. Just Google yourself sometime – its amazing what is out there for anyone to view. At the same time, the technology that enables all of this to happen distracts us from face to face communication, to the point of creating a society made up of citizens who are strangers to each other personally but known to the world publicly.

Genesis 21:22-34
“At that time Abimelech and Phicol, the commander of his army, said to Abraham, "God is with you in all that you do. 23 Now swear to me right here in God's name that you will not deceive me, my children, or my descendants. Show me, and the land where you are staying, the same loyalty that I have shown you."  24 Abraham said, "I swear to do this."   25 But Abraham lodged a complaint against Abimelech concerning a well that Abimelech's servants had seized.   26 "I do not know who has done this thing," Abimelech replied. "Moreover, you did not tell me. I did not hear about it until today." 27 Abraham took some sheep and cattle and gave them to Abimelech. The two of them made a treaty.   28 Then Abraham set seven ewe lambs apart from the flock by themselves. 29 Abimelech asked Abraham, "What is the meaning of these seven ewe lambs that you have set apart?" 30 He replied, "You must take these seven ewe lambs from my hand as legal proof that I dug this well."   31 That is why he named that place Beer Sheba, because the two of them swore an oath there. 32 So they made a treaty at Beer Sheba. Then Abimelech and Phicol, the commander of his army, returned to the land of the Philistines.   33 Abraham planted a tamarisk tree in Beer Sheba. There he worshiped the Lord, the eternal God. 34 So Abraham stayed in the land of the Philistines for quite some time.”

Abraham had double-crossed Abimelech not too long before this encounter, so Abimelech was naturally a little wary of Abraham. He establishes a treaty with Abraham, but makes him promise that there will be no more deception. Abraham complains to Abimelech that his servants had seized a well that Abraham had dug. When Abraham sets apart 7 female lambs as a testimony to his honesty, swearing an oath regarding it, his reputation was reestablished with Abimelech.

We are a society in contradiction. We try to cultivate contact with our friends and family, and we try to keep strangers away, but we have succeeded in doing the opposite. Recently, Facebook added new restrictions aimed at protecting the privacy of underage members, due to the fact that the website had become an easy place for creepy people to troll for 14 year old girls in short shorts. But this kind of regulation only works if the 14 year old girl in question wants her page to be private, otherwise she just puts her age down as 18 years old. My page is certainly not a popular one, yet I have had almost 4,000 views registered. I can only imagine how many hits her website has received. At that same time, I watch that same 14 year old girl walk around at church on Wednesday night with her head buried in her cell phone, text messaging people who are her BFFs, who are sometimes in the same room. Meanwhile, modern suburbia dictates that we barely know our neighbors, never let our children run around unsupervised, and move across the state from our parents, grandparents, and college roommates.

How will God narrate our society in the 21st century? A nation of strangers, whose reputations and character are common knowledge, walled off from each other by technology that had promised to bring us closer together.

Polygamous Rivalry

It is common today in churches across America to see blended families, or families with children from previous relationships. In most cases, the previous relational setups have been over for some time, and the current marriage is strong. Often, the family begins to attend church and grow in the Lord from an early stage of the marriage, sometimes because of the marriage. This is all well and fine, and God will bless what has been offered to Him.

However, I have seen challenges in most blended families that threaten to disrupt them. Due to the fact that at least one of the parents is not the mother or father of all the children, there can be problems with jealousy, favoritism, sibling rivalry, and even conflict between husband and wife. This can put additional strain on a family that has already been through some broken relationships in the past.

Genesis 21:1-21
“The Lord visited Sarah just as he had said he would and did for Sarah what he had promised.   2 So Sarah became pregnant and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the appointed time that God had told him. 3 Abraham named his son - whom Sarah bore to him - Isaac.   4 When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him just as God had commanded him to do.   5 (Now Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him.)  6 Sarah said, "God has made me laugh. Everyone who hears about this will laugh with me." 7 She went on to say, "Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have given birth to a son for him in his old age!" 8 The child grew and was weaned. Abraham prepared a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned.   9 But Sarah noticed the son of Hagar the Egyptian - the son whom Hagar had borne to Abraham - mocking.   10 So she said to Abraham, "Banish that slave woman and her son, for the son of that slave woman will not be an heir along with my son Isaac!" 11 Sarah's demand displeased Abraham greatly because Ishmael was his son.   12 But God said to Abraham, "Do not be upset about the boy or your slave wife. Do all that Sarah is telling you because through Isaac your descendants will be counted.   13 But I will also make the son of the slave wife into a great nation, for he is your descendant too." 14 Early in the morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He put them on her shoulders, gave her the child, and sent her away. So she went wandering aimlessly through the wilderness of Beer Sheba. 15 When the water in the skin was gone, she shoved the child under one of the shrubs. 16 Then she went and sat down by herself across from him at quite a distance, about a bowshot away; for she thought, "I refuse to watch the child die." So she sat across from him and wept uncontrollably.  17 But God heard the boy's voice. The angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and asked her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Don't be afraid, for God has heard the boy's voice right where he is crying. 18 Get up! Help the boy up and hold him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation." 19 Then God enabled Hagar to see a well of water. She went over and filled the skin with water, and then gave the boy a drink. 20 God was with the boy as he grew. He lived in the wilderness and became an archer. 21 He lived in the wilderness of Paran. His mother found a wife for him from the land of Egypt.” 

Sarah was finally blessed with a birth child. Although technically Ishmael was her child by the fact that Hagar was her slave and Abraham was Ishmael’s father, in practice the plan Sarah had hatched to produce an heir for Abraham had blown up in her face. Now that Isaac was born, there was no need to rely on Ishmael to carry on the family lineage. Things came to a head when Ishmael began to disrespect Isaac, either by mocking him or treating Isaac as if Ishmael were equal with him instead of the son of a slave. Sarah immediately went on the offensive and demanded that Abraham expel Hagar and Ishmael from the family. This greatly upset Abraham, who loved Ishmael his son. But Abraham caved into to Sarah’s wishes and booted Hagar and Ishmael from the family.

God didn’t give up on Hagar and Ishmael, even if Abraham and Sarah did. Even though it was not God’s idea in the first place for Sarah to give Hagar to Abraham to father a child, God still honored the relationship between Him and Abraham enough that He blessed Ishmael and made him into a great nation. God has means of making things balance out.

It becomes the very definition of irony that, two generations later, Joseph (Abraham’s great grandson) is sold to an Ishmaelite caravan as a slave. God exacts exquisite justice.